Vampire Mainstreamers
by GreenLightAltAshley
Summary: Buffy uncovers da horrifying mystery of why Xander and Seth bcam mainstreamers with bad taste in music.
1. Chapter 1

Vampire Mainstreamers

A Buffy The Vampire Slayer Fan Fiction

By Ashley Cadwallader aka GreenLightAltAshley

Chapter 1

I had sex with Spike whil listening 2 a Radiohead alum King of Limbs on vinyl. He stuck his throbing peen into my vag, and I moaned alternatively. I waz about to hav a orrggasm Then it made me think of that Katy Perry *yuck* song wear she seys she had sex whil listening 2 Radiohead. Than I felt too mainstream coz katy perry did dat. When I hav sex I want it 2 be an authentic alternative expperience. Than I got up 2 turn da reccord player off . Whenn I vent back 2 havingz sex with Spike, and now I couldn't gat a orrggasm. I wuz reely pissed off about dat and I went to sleep.

da next dey I wen over 2 Spike's Crypt he invited Willow and me over 2 his crypt (not 2 sex dis time tho) He asked us if we wanted 2 "drank some beers and listen 2 da Juno Soundtrack on vinyl." Next thing u know I saw him bitting his fangs into Willow's neck. I tryed 2 kick him but I wuz too drunk. He grabed my leg and through me 2 de other side of de room. Than he stuk his fangs into my neck. Than I felt my teeth with my tongue, and they we're all poiinty. Willow and me bcam vampires!1!111111

I said, "think it'z a god thing coz I used 2 be alt-human now I'm a alt-vampire, and alt-vamps are more alternative then alt-humans coz there is less vampires."

Spike said, "Oh yeah? Well I was a vampire B4 u we're!"

Az soon az he said dat insult I wuz zo angry, I wanted 2 drive a stake threw his fucking heart. But I stupped myself for doing so coz I had 2 insult him bak 2 restore my indie cred,

"Do you lik "Some1 still Loves You Boris Yetlsin?"

"Ye, I have all there albums."

"Well I loved Some1 Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin way back when no-one loved Boris Yeltsin!" I said alternatively.

Folowing dat burn he locked insulted, and I staked his heart, and he shattered in2 dust.

(btw I'm not plaugeiarizing Carles, mkay? His is a blug and mine iz a story, it's different we write about different stuffz. Just coz i use som of da sam wordz az he does, doesnut meen I'm ripping him off!11!11111111)

So dat was the end of my weekend where I bcam a vampire. OH SHIT accidently just used vampire and weekend in da same sentence! Vampire Weekend r a mainstream indie or mindie band, dat only lamestreamers lik. Vampy Weeks even wherez mainstreamer clothing like polo shirts. They are so 2010, and now it's 2012 so I don't know if they are even still relevant eggnough 4 me 2 mention them in dis story. Dey probably won't even be relevant eggnoughh during there next album cycle.

I wuz back at Sunnydale High School. I vent 2 math class I was siting next 2 Xander. He asked me,

"Hey Buffy can I borrow yur textbook?"

"I didn't bring my books 2 class only paper and a pen, coz I don't have room in my messenger bag coz it'z a portable vinyl record player."

"oh."

On da strap of my messenger bag, I hav band pins dat I got at showz of Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, She & Him, Sonic Youth, Grimes, The Decemberists, Youth Lagoon, and pins of at least 100 other buzz bands U have never heard of B4.

I asked him Xander,

"How wuz you're weekend?"

"It wuz good, Seth and me went over to Cordeliaz haus. She had asked uz if we vanted 2 drank beers and listen 2 Sonic Youth's Daydream Nation on vinyl. It sounded like shit zo Cordeliaz put on the CD Justin Bieber 2.0. I love dat album!"

My jaw droped I was speakless ...

...

... CORDELIAZ MUST HAV BITE SETH AND XANDER AND TURNED THEM IN 2 MAINSTREAM VAMPIRES!11!1!1!1!11111!1111111111

I thought how coul they hav bean fooled? It'z well know that Cordeliaz is a mainstreamer. They should hav bean suspicious dat she wuz luring them over with a Sonic Youth album. She doesn't even listen 2 Sonic Youth.

Xander continued and he said

"After listening 2 Justin Bieber, we also listened 2 Arcade Fire and Nickelback."

I puked all over da floor coz he now has de worst taste in music.

Wen da bell rang I went 2 my locker Willow woz their she said,

"WTF happen 2 Xander and Seth?"

"Cordeliaz bite them and turned them in2 mnstrm-vamps."

"That fucker! turning our chill alt friends into lamestreamers/

"If we don't stop them soon, than they will multiply and every ALT in da world will be a LAMESTREAMER!11111!111!1!1!111!1!11!111111111111!111111!

"What if we bite them, woul that change them bak to alt?

"I don't know but we hav 2 go meet Giles and come up with a plan NOW!"

End of da chaptar.


	2. Chapter 2 Attack of The Entry Level Alts

Chapter 2 – Attak of The Entry Level Alts

We got in2 Willow's kar we we're driving 2 di library 2 met Gilez. We were listening 2 Some1 Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin. Willow wuz driving whil I wuz checking facebach on my phone. This girl posted da lyrics 2 "Oh, Comely"by The Neutral Milk Hotels. I saw Susan comented,

"Tanks 4 introducing me 2 dis alum"

WTF She just discovers The Neutral Milk Hotels yesterday?

I heard dat alum wen it first cam out wen I wuz 3 yearz old!

So I comented,

"Yr. an entry level alt, mkay? So I'm unfriending u."

She than msg'd me saying,

"BUFFY HOW DARE U CALL ME ENTRY LEVEL ALT!

!1!11!1!1!111111! Let's fight, met me the park NOW!"

So I texted Gilez to tell him dat we r going 2 be l8. And we arrived the park we parked around di corner so she wouldn't go crayz and smash all the windows of the kar.

Once we arrived they're was 4 of them. I asked Willowz,

"Are you sure you can do dis? You dun't have slayer strength lik me." (Even tho I'm a vampire now I still hav slayer strength from b4, mkay?)

"Hey I've been training 4 a long time I did'nut just join da scooby gang 2 do reasearch!" She said alternatively.

They're was 4 entry level alts. They were all whering lumberjack shirts (2 try 2 lock alt). I could tell that all of them we're entry level coz they're top buttons we're undone, and I could see the letters "llist" underneath.

"Hi entry level alts nice hollister shirts" I said sarcasticlly, and alternatively.

(I woz wearing converse shoes, blue jeans, alternative wafer glasses and a Some1 Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin t-shirt.)

They locked at eachother emarassedly, until Susan finally said,  
"We are going 2 dual with nunchucks!1111!1!1!"  
"Nunchucks? wtf, that's 2 mainstream!"

"SHUT UP AND LET'S FIGHT."

She had 2 nunchucks she through 1 at me 4 me 2 catch. I catched it and we started dualing.

Susan and I we're swinging the nunchucks eachother really fast. We were both aiming eachothers heads. She try'ed blocking but every third time the nunchucks hit her head. She hadn't hit me yet, my arms we're sore coz I was using them 4 blocking. so than I switched 2 hitting her other body partz. She did 2 and hitt me in the ribs and it wuz very painful.

I kicked her legs out frum onderneath her. And I kept on beating her whil she wuz on the ground. Then I saw her try to bite me, but I swong at her b4 she could. I knew then she woz also a vampire. She finally got up and she hit my head smashing my alternative wafer glasses. I had alternative bruises all over my alternative body. She was also bruised everywhere, (hers we're entry level bruises tho.)

We were still fighting 2 hourrs l8r and the rest of the entry levels joined in. Willow started fighting them, but they we're being cheap coz it's 4 against 2.

I knew that I had 2 end this soon because I didn't vant Willow 2 get hurt. I noticed dat I left my stake in the kar so I had 2 make a new stake since I was almost sure that all 4 of those entry levels were vampires. I smashed di nunchucks as hard as I could against the monkey bars so that dey splintered. I staked 2 of them in the fucking heart one after another and they turned 2 DOS'T.

I remembered dat Willow and me we're very thirsty, for blood not water (since we're vampires now. Alt vampires to be specific.) So we dug our teeth into the two of them that we're left. The blood tasted good. Then we staked the 2 other entry levels in the fucking heart, and they turned 2 DOS'T.

Willow and me got back in2 the kar. We were both very bruised and bloody. I than knew that I shouldn't have let Willow fight, coz if she was killed or something I would feel really bad, coz Willow is really Chillwave. (get it Chill/Chillwave? lol, like the band The Neon Indians. (I love dat band!)

We drove back 2 see Giles. I was thinking about how osm it is being a vampire now! It reminds me of that Some1 Still Loves You Boris Yetsin song, "All Hail Dracula" !

In the library it was filled with books. Gilez said,

"Buffy, and Willowz, how could you get distracted like that! What's important is 4 you 2 do is 2 stup mainstream vampires frum multiplying!

"BUT SHE WOZ AN ENTRY LEVEL!" Willow said.

"It doesnut matter, you should be focus on stupping the mainstreamers, not entry level alts. Because atleast entry level alts will one day become true authentic alts! They just have to stop listening to mainstream-indie (mindie) bands, and crossover to listening to good authentic indie music. It just takes them time. Wheras if the vampire mainstreamers continue 2 spread then soon ALL of the alts in Sunnydale, and eventually in the world will eventually bcam mainstreamers! We can't let that happen. Even though entry level alts can be annoying, if you turn them all in2 dust then they will never be able to grow in2 authentic alts! If you wanted to send them a msg nut 2 mess with authentic alts then instead you should have taken your nunchucks and smashed their Passion Pit CD."

Willow and me knew dat Gilez wuz right, we shouldn't have staked those entry levels in the fucking heart.

"Now", said Giles "We need 2 come up with a plan 2 turn Xander and Seth back in2 alts from mainstreamers."

End of da chaptar.


End file.
